GENERAL FAQs

What will counselling be like?

Without doubt, the thought of talking to a strange person about deeply personal issues, can be uncomfortable and might even cause some people to avoid finding help.  As I have been a client myself whilst training, I understand this concern.  However, I also know that consulting an independent person about problems has many benefits such as (i) the problem stays in the therapy room which can provide some privacy away from everyday life (ii) therapists can be neutral, objective and non-judgemental which is much more difficult for friends and family (iii) sharing a problem with a professional listener may help you to identify different perspectives as well as skills for managing difficulties in more effective ways.

What if I don’t know what to say?

Try not to worry about this as your therapist is experienced in helping a range of people communicate and so will ask you some easy questions to help you start feeling more comfortable.  Very often this then allows a new client to relax and to start talking about the issue for which they are seeking help.

I’m worried I might get upset, is this going to be embarrassing?

Therapy is a space in which some people feel emotional which can be a positive sign that they are able to start sharing what they are experiencing on the inside.  Being emotional can help you to feel better physically as you are releasing some kind of inner tension and in a therapy setting with someone who is professionally trained to support you, can also lead to a better understanding of what you are feeling and how to manage this in a better way.

I’d really like to work with The Hove Counselling Practice but the cost might be outside my budget for weekly sessions.  What flexibility is there?

The Hove Counselling Practice will help you to understand the best approach for working with your particular issue and as we support you in learning new ways to address difficulties you are experiencing, sessions do not necessarily have to be weekly.  Unlike conventional talking therapy where you literally “talk about your week”, we invite you to practise new ways of living so you can feel empowered in the situations in which you are currently struggling.  In this way, sessions become an opportunity to “check-in” and continue to learn how to navigate your personal challenges.  This means you can choose a session frequency that works best for you.  We currently see some clients a few times a week and others fortnightly or monthly.

Is long-term better than short-term?  How long does therapy take?

Rather than anticipating a long-term process in which you cover your life story to date and explore your experiences, you can elect to be more solution focused on current-day difficulties.  The Hove Counselling Practice incorporates many different skills and techniques to help clients learn to manage personal triggers more effectively.  Being committed to working on yourself in-between sessions can decrease the amount of support you need.

Does it have to be weekly or can you spread it out?

Talking therapy can be a place to build a supportive relationship with someone who is willing to listen and share insights with you.  Weekly sessions make it easier to remember what you have discussed previously as well as providing a deadline for feeding back on new skills you might be trying.  However, if you have a busy life sometimes having more time to explore skills and observe new behaviours in between sessions can be more helpful.  

Overthinking and Anxiety

I can’t seem to stop overthinking everything at the moment.  I’m exhausted and fed up.  I don’t sleep very well.  I often wake up in the middle of the night and start worrying and then I can’t go back to sleep. I keep going over things….Can counselling help? 

Overthinking is a common sign of stress and anxiety and often clients feel better just knowing this and that other stressed people typically experience similar symptoms.  However, it is also important to start managing such overthinking by using a few methods to deliberately distract your mind from latching onto problems.  The Hove Counselling Practice offers clients something simple to do that helps to build confidence in being able to interrupt overthinking at night or during the day.

Relationship Difficulties

Can couples therapy help with communication?  We argue a lot of the time, often about silly little things.  We bicker every day as if we’re trying to catch each other out.  We both want to work on our relationship because we’re really unhappy and sad about where we’ve got to.

After the throes of being in love where communication is mostly problem-free, couples begin to face more conflict.  In the absence of powerful “in-love brain chemicals” partners often start to disagree, argue and fall out.  Therapy can be really helpful in highlighting underlying dynamics that are more to do with early learning behaviours rather than the actual relationship!  Some new communication skills can support a couple in breaking free of these unhelpful patterns quite quickly.

I tend to go quiet and withdraw when my partner is angry.  This creates even more of a problem and my partner feels disconnected from me.  Can therapy help with this?

Closing down in the face of conflict as well as anger, are both often learnt patterns of behaviour and with support in approaching difficulties in a new way, couples can learn to listen and respect each other’s perspectives, so encouraging dialogue as opposed to distancing and/or aggression.   

Can you talk about problems with sex in therapy?  My partner wants sex a lot more than I do and I am struggling to ever feel in the mood for physical intimacy…

Sex is a subject that many partners may struggle with for a number of reasons such as: a) it wasn’t talked about in their family and so they have learned to keep this to themselves and may not feel comfortable broaching the subject with their partner; b)after having children, women can feel less attractive and less in the mood given the demands of a young baby and so a couple drifts apart; c) having the same sexual ritual over many years can become boring and either or both partners may feel less aroused as a result; d) where partners stop spending romantic time together going out or making an effort with appearance, etc… this can decrease desire for each other and sex; e) if there has been an infidelity, this can cause a block to physical intimacy; f) partners may be less attracted to each other because one or both partners have lost confidence, developed a poor body image or suffered a recent trauma.

As couples connect on different levels within their relationship, therapy can help them to review the quality of the time they spend together.  Building on verbal communication and regular gestures of care can help to nurture desire for physical connection as well as boosting self-esteem.

Is it possible to rebuild trust after betrayal?

Betrayal can involve different forms of infidelity such as emotional or physical intimacy with someone outside of the relationship or exclusivity in relation to intellectual or financial decisions for example.  Where a partner’s trust has been broken, it can take time to repair a relationship, however where a couple are committed to this, they may ultimately find themselves in a better place than before as they work on the difficulties that have often influenced what has happened between them.

Overwhelm or Trauma

I don’t feel I can cope.  I keep losing it and breaking down in tears all over the place.  I didn’t know what else to do and my GP suggested therapy. Can you help me? 

Feeling deeply distressed about something that has happened in the distant or recent past, can act like a ‘block’ that is immobilizing to a person and may cause them to fixate on certain thoughts, feelings or behaviours.   At The Hove Counselling Practice we introduce clients to a gentle trauma therapy called EFT or Tapping, that can ease the intensity of the emotion they experience.  It is also a simple technique to try at home in between sessions.