Can Your Relationship Survive Infidelity? Lewes Couples Find Hope Through Specialist Counselling
Your world just fell apart.
You discovered texts. Emails. Late-night phone calls. The person you trusted most has shattered everything you believed about your relationship.
Right now, you’re drowning in questions. Can we survive this? Should we even try? Where do we start?
Here’s what you need to know: 60-75% of marriages survive infidelity when couples seek professional counselling. Without help? Just 15.6% make it.¹
The difference isn’t luck. It’s getting the right support, fast.
Your relationship can heal—here’s proof
Sarah and Mark’s story mirrors hundreds of couples in Sussex. After 14 years together, Sarah found messages between Mark and a colleague. The betrayal cut deep. Trust vanished. Their future looked impossible.
Six months of specialist counselling changed everything.
Today, they describe their relationship as stronger than before the affair. Not the same—better. More honest. Deeper. Built on truth instead of assumptions.
They’re not unique. Research tracking couples five years after treatment shows 57% who disclosed affairs and attended therapy remained married. Compare that to just 20% who kept secrets.²
The numbers tell a clear story: honesty plus professional support equals survival.
What counts as cheating? More than you might think
Before you can heal, you need to define what happened.
Physical infidelity seems obvious—sexual contact outside your relationship. But 71-76% of people also consider kissing as cheating.³
Emotional affairs often hurt worse. Sharing intimate thoughts, dreams, and vulnerabilities with someone else. Creating a connection that should belong to your partner. Many betrayed spouses say emotional infidelity causes deeper pain than physical betrayal.
Cyber infidelity has exploded with smartphones. Sexting. Secret social media accounts. Dating apps. Intimate online friendships. No physical contact required—just devastating consequences.
Micro-cheating includes smaller boundary violations. Secretive texting. Constant flirting. Keeping an ex as “emotional backup.” These behaviours often signal bigger problems ahead.
What matters most? Your relationship’s boundaries. Couples therapy helps you define exactly what commitment means for both of you.
Why affairs happen—it’s complicated
Understanding the “why” doesn’t excuse betrayal. But it does help healing.
Unmet needs drive many affairs. Emotional distance. Communication breakdowns. Sexual disconnection. Feeling invisible in your own relationship.
Here’s what surprises people: infidelity happens even in happy relationships. Love doesn’t always prevent affairs. Sometimes other factors override commitment.
Individual psychology plays a huge role:
- People who cheated before are three times more likely to cheat again⁴
- Mental health conditions increase risk
- Low self-esteem creates vulnerability
- Childhood trauma affects adult relationships
Life circumstances matter too:
- High-stress jobs
- Frequent travel
- Major life transitions (new baby, job loss, bereavement)
- Easy access through technology
Between 15-20% of adults in committed relationships will have an affair at some point.⁵ You’re not alone in facing this crisis.
How counselling rebuilds shattered trust
Multiple approaches work. The key? Finding the right fit for your situation.
Emotionally Focused Therapy: The research winner
EFT shows 70-75% long-term success rates for couples recovering from betrayal.⁶
This approach treats affairs as attachment injuries. When trust breaks, your emotional safety vanishes. EFT helps you:
- Recognise destructive emotional patterns
- Express vulnerable feelings safely
- Understand each other’s deeper needs
- Rebuild secure emotional connection
Treatment typically needs 12-20 sessions of 90 minutes each. Worth noting: EFT couples initially show high distress but improve faster than non-infidelity couples.⁷
The Gottman Method: Science-backed structure
Developed through 40+ years of research, this approach can predict divorce with 90% accuracy.
The Trust Revival Method moves through three clear phases:
Atone: The person who had the affair takes full responsibility. Answers questions honestly. Handles your pain without defensiveness.
Attune: You rebuild emotional intimacy. Share vulnerabilities. Understand what each person truly needs.
Attach: You reconstruct physical and sexual connection through open communication.
Practical. Actionable. Based on decades of studying what actually works.
Trauma-informed approaches: Treating betrayal like PTSD
45.2% of people experiencing partner infidelity meet full PTSD criteria.⁸
Shock. Flashbacks. Hypervigilance. Intrusive thoughts. These aren’t overreactions—they’re trauma symptoms.
Specialists like the Hove Counselling Practice use advanced trauma techniques including EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to process intense emotions safely. This matters because traditional talk therapy alone often can’t touch trauma-level pain.
The hybrid approach that works best
Most effective treatment combines individual and couples sessions:
Individual therapy helps you process trauma privately. The betrayed partner works through shock, anger, and PTSD symptoms. The person who had the affair addresses shame, guilt, and root causes.
Couples sessions bring you together once emotions stabilise. You communicate directly. Rebuild together. Create new relationship agreements.
UK relationship organisations including Relate recommend this combined approach.⁹
Your biggest questions answered
How long will this take?
Honest answer? 18-24 months for full healing.¹⁰
The first 0-6 weeks after discovery are most critical. Initial stabilisation happens quickly with professional help. But rebuilding trust, emotional intimacy, and sexual connection takes time.
Some couples need just 6-12 sessions for basic issues. Complex situations require longer. The research shows one thing clearly: rushing healing guarantees failure.
What will this cost?
NHS Talking Therapies offers free services through self-referral. Limited availability for couples work specifically, but worth exploring if budget is tight.
Private therapy typically costs £50-150+ per session (50-90 minutes). Specialists and London-based therapists charge more.
Relate provides income-based sliding scale fees: £55-157 per session depending on household income.¹¹
Expect total investment of £600-2000+ for complete private treatment. Expensive? Yes. But compare that cost to divorce.
Can we survive if my partner refuses counselling?
You can attend individual relationship therapy. You’ll work on your own responses, communication skills, and decisions about the relationship’s future.
But here’s the truth: it’s far less effective than both partners participating. You can’t force change in someone unwilling to try.
Some therapists offer discernment counselling—1-5 short sessions helping you decide between three paths: stay as you are, separate, or commit fully to couples therapy with divorce off the table for six months.
Will anyone find out?
UK professional standards provide strong confidentiality protections. BACP members follow strict ethical frameworks.¹²
Information stays private except in cases of:
- Risk of harm to self or others
- Court orders
- Safeguarding concerns for children or vulnerable adults
Your therapist won’t share information with employers, family, or friends. Discuss confidentiality expectations in your first session.
Is our relationship worth saving?
Only you can answer that. But consider this: Many couples describe their relationship as stronger and more intimate after recovering from infidelity than before it happened.¹³
Not the same relationship. A new one. Built on honesty instead of assumptions. With real communication instead of surface-level pleasantries.
Some relationships shouldn’t survive. Therapy can help you make that decision respectfully instead of staying trapped in resentment or leaving in chaos.
What recovery actually looks like
Jake and Emily’s case study illustrates real transformation.¹⁴
After 12 years of marriage, Emily discovered Jake had kissed a colleague. Initially, Jake denied everything. Then admitted just kissing. Emily felt crushed—not just by the betrayal, but by Jake’s lies.
During Atonement, Jake wrote a detailed apology. Changed jobs to eliminate contact with the colleague. Started individual therapy. Took complete responsibility without excuses.
During Attunement, Jake validated Emily’s feelings repeatedly. Reassured her the affair wasn’t her fault. They created date nights and emotional check-ins. Jake practiced being fully present.
During Attachment, they implemented nightly gratitude rituals. Created a relationship mission statement. Planned a vow renewal ceremony.
The outcome? Emily regained security. They rebuilt both physical and emotional intimacy. Developed new communication patterns. Created a shared vision for their future.
Their relationship today surpasses what they had before—more intentional, more honest, more connected.
The Lewes advantage: History meets healing
Lewes offers unique strengths for couples seeking support.
This historic county town of 100,000 residents shows median age of 48 years—a mature, established community.¹⁵ Average earnings rank highest in East Sussex. 71% of residents own their homes.¹⁶
The well-educated, affluent population embraces mental health support more readily than many UK communities. Progressive attitudes toward counselling run deep in this town known for independent thinking since Thomas Paine’s time.
Happiness scores of 7.5 (above England’s 7.4 average) and anxiety levels of 3.0 (below England’s 3.2) suggest a community managing wellbeing actively.¹⁷
Multiple wellbeing centres advertise widely. GP practices provide social prescribing and mental health support. Free digital wellbeing services operate 24/7.
Lewes Railway Station makes specialist services accessible. Regular trains reach Brighton in 15 minutes, London in 1.5 hours. The station offers 293 parking spaces including six accessible spots, lifts to platforms, and step-free access.¹⁸
Whether you choose local practitioners or travel to Brighton specialists like the Hove Counselling Practice, excellent transport links remove barriers.
Local landmarks that ground your journey
While navigating infidelity recovery, Lewes’s historic character provides stability.
Lewes Castle stands as a constant landmark, visible throughout town. Built shortly after 1066, this Norman fortress offers 360-degree views across the South Downs. Its permanence reminds couples that solid foundations can be rebuilt even after conflict.¹⁹
Lewes High Street threads through the town centre with independent shops, cafes, and Georgian architecture. The Sunday Farmers Market brings community together weekly—a reminder that connection matters.²⁰
Lewes Priory ruins in Priory Park tell stories of transformation. Once among medieval England’s wealthiest priories, it was dissolved in the 1530s. Today, the site offers peaceful reflection space. Destruction doesn’t mean permanent loss—new purpose can emerge.²¹
Harvey’s Brewery represents living history. Operating since 1790 and now in its eighth generation, this family business proves that commitment across time creates something valuable.²²
Southover Grange Gardens provides tranquil sanctuary in the town centre. The peace garden, fountain, and wildflower areas offer retreat during emotional intensity. Free entry and year-round access make it available whenever you need breathing space.²³
Why the Hove Counselling Practice stands out
Located at 126 Shirley Street, Hove—just 11-13 miles from Lewes (17 minutes by train or 16-27 minutes by car)—this specialist practice offers exactly what couples facing infidelity need.²⁴
Expertise that matters
Claire Sainsbury, BACP Registered Accredited Member, brings exceptional qualifications:
- BA in Psychology
- Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy Practice
- Advanced Postgraduate Diploma in Integrative Counselling
- BACP Accreditation (distinct from basic membership—demonstrates BACP’s recommended standards through rigorous assessment)
- Graduate Member of British Psychological Society
- Specialist training in working with couples
- Advanced Level 3 Certified Practitioner in EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique for trauma processing)
- Certified DBT tutor²⁵
That last qualification matters enormously. DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness module teaches exactly what infidelity recovery requires: articulating needs clearly, effective listening, maintaining self-respect under pressure.
The integrative approach that heals
Rather than forcing every couple through identical treatment, the practice tailors multiple evidence-based approaches:
EFT provides gentle trauma processing for intense betrayal emotions
DBT skills teach communication under emotional pressure
CBT techniques help understand thought-feeling-behaviour connections
Attachment-based work explores how childhood experiences impact adult relationships
Person-centred foundations ensure client-led, non-judgmental sessions
This flexibility means you get what you actually need, not cookie-cutter treatment.
Perfect client satisfaction
**45 total reviews. Every single one: 5 out of 5 stars.**²⁶
41 Google reviews—all 5 stars. 4 Endorsal reviews—all 5 stars. 100% customer recommendation rate.
Real couples report real transformation:
“Would absolutely recommend Hove Counselling Practice. Claire worked with my partner and I on some issues we were having within our relationship. Claire is trustworthy, easy to talk to and clearly an excellent counsellor.”
“My wife and I started seeing Claire for couple counselling and therapy back in January. With her help, we have already navigated through some tough times and found out deep truths about ourselves and our relationship.”
*”Thanks to Claire we are now able to start moving forward and are excited about our future together.”*²⁷
Zero negative reviews. Zero complaints. Just consistent excellence.
Practical accessibility
Flexible scheduling: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, 9am-9pm. Evening sessions accommodate working professionals.
Multiple formats:
- In-person at Hove location (accessible by bus or train)
- Online video counselling
- Telephone counselling
Clear pricing:
- Individual sessions: 50 minutes, £90
- Couples sessions: 55 minutes, £110
- Online booking plus phone/email contact²⁸
Treatment flexibility: Short-term crisis intervention (4-6 weeks) or long-term healing (several months).
What makes this practice different
Seven factors distinguish the Hove Counselling Practice for infidelity work:
- Explicit specialisation in infidelity and trust issues—not general relationship counselling
- Advanced trauma training through EFT Level 3 crucial for betrayal trauma
- BACP Accreditation representing highest professional standard
- Perfect rating across 45 reviews with zero negative feedback
- Documented couples successes in testimonials
- Multiple evidence-based approaches allowing customisation
- Experience with complex issues including addiction, personality disorders, eating disorders that inform relationship dynamics understanding²⁹
Comparing your options across the Lewes region
Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy
Two locations including Lewes: Star Brewery, Studio 22, 1 Castle Ditch Lane
Team: Multiple UKCP registered psychotherapists, BACP accredited counsellors, clinical psychologists
Pricing: £75-100 individual, £85-100 couples sessions
Approach: Psychodynamic, psychoanalytic, integrative, attachment-based, body psychotherapy
Wait times: “Usually within a week, sometimes sooner”
Strength: Maximum geographic convenience for Lewes residents. Established practice operating over a decade. Dedicated affairs counselling page on website.³⁰
Relate Sussex
Coverage: Brighton, Hove, Lewes, Haywards Heath, Eastbourne, Worthing, Hastings
Team: 25+ counsellors, 70+ years history
Pricing: Income-based sliding scale £55-157 per session
Approach: Integrative, systemic, person-centred
Strength: Most accessible pricing. Bursaries and grants available. National brand credibility.
Weakness: Mixed reviews on administrative coordination despite excellent individual counsellors.³¹
NHS Talking Therapies (Health in Mind)
Contact: 0300 003 0130
Pricing: Free
Approach: CBT, mindfulness, EMDR for PTSD, interpersonal therapy
Strength: No cost barrier. Evidence-based approaches.
Limitation: Focus on anxiety and depression rather than couples work. Couples therapy limited to situations affecting individual mental health.³²
Individual Lewes practitioners
Graeme Mills: BACP Accredited, £60 individual/£80 couples, psychodynamic and person-centred
Luli Harvey: BACP Accredited, COSRT Senior Accredited, psychosexual and relationship specialist
Strength: Qualified local options at lower price points.³³
What the research proves about recovery
The evidence for counselling’s effectiveness comes from rigorous studies tracking couples over years.
Five-year longitudinal research shows 57% of couples who revealed infidelity during treatment remained married compared to 20% who kept affairs secret—nearly tripling survival odds through disclosure and treatment.³⁴
Six-month follow-up studies document significant reductions in trauma symptoms, increased forgiveness, decreased anxiety and depression, higher relationship satisfaction.³⁵
By one-year follow-up, infidelity couples showed no statistical difference from non-infidelity couples in relationship functioning—demonstrating that appropriate treatment closes the distress gap completely.³⁶
The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy confirms EFT’s 70-75% long-term success rate specifically for betrayal recovery.³⁷
The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy states: “The majority of relationships not only survive infidelity, but many marriages can become stronger and more intimate after couples therapy.”³⁸
Your next step starts right now
You’ve read the research. You understand the options. You know recovery is possible.
But knowledge alone won’t heal your relationship. Action will.
Here’s what to do today:
Step 1: Contact the Hove Counselling Practice
Phone: 07947 073298
Website: https://thehovecounsellingpractice.co.uk/contact
Step 2: Book your first session
Evening appointments available. Online options if you prefer. The first session feels scary—that’s normal. Every couple who successfully recovered felt the same fear before starting.
Step 3: Commit to the process
Recovery takes time. Probably 18-24 months. Some weeks will feel harder than others. But couples who stick with therapy overwhelmingly report transformation worth the effort.
The choice in front of you
You can stay frozen in pain. Let resentment poison what remains of your relationship. Watch it slowly die without ever knowing if it could have been saved.
Or you can take the proven path that 60-75% of couples have walked successfully.
Professional support. Evidence-based approaches. Specialist training in betrayal trauma. Perfect client satisfaction scores.
Your relationship won’t return to what it was. That’s impossible. The question is: Can you build something better?
Hundreds of couples in Sussex have answered “yes” and proven it through their transformed relationships.
The Hove Counselling Practice is ready when you are.
Call 07947 073298 or visit thehovecounsellingpractice.co.uk/contact
Your future—whatever you choose to build—starts with one conversation.
Research Citations
¹ Couples Academy. (2024). What Percentage of Marriages Survive Infidelity? Retrieved from https://couplesacademy.org/what-percentage-of-marriages-survive-infidelity/
² New York Behavioral Health. (2024). Infidelity and Couple Therapy Outcomes. Retrieved from https://www.newyorkbehavioralhealth.com/infidelity-and-couple-therapy-outcomes/
³ Wikipedia. (2025). Infidelity. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infidelity
⁴ Choosing Therapy. (2024). Infidelity: Types, Causes, & Effects. Retrieved from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/infidelity/
⁵ PubMed Central. (2023). Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences. Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10002055/
⁶ Space Between Counseling Services. (2024). Is EFT Better Than Gottman Method? Retrieved from https://www.spacebetweencounselingservices.com/therapy-insight/is-eft-better-than-gottman
⁷ New York Behavioral Health. (2024). Infidelity and Couple Therapy Outcomes. Retrieved from https://www.newyorkbehavioralhealth.com/infidelity-and-couple-therapy-outcomes/
⁸ American Counseling Association. (2024). Recovering from the Trauma of Infidelity. Retrieved from https://www.counseling.org/publications/counseling-today-magazine/article-archive/article/legacy/recovering-from-the-trauma-of-infidelity
⁹ British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. (2024). Couples Counselling: How It Can Help. Retrieved from https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/what-therapy-can-help-with/relationships/couples-counselling/
¹⁰ Couples Therapy Inc. (2024). The 7 Stages of Affair Recovery. Retrieved from https://couplestherapyinc.com/the-7-stages-of-affair-recovery-a-complete-healing-guide-for-couples/
¹¹ Relate. (2024). Relationship Counselling in Brighton. Retrieved from https://www.relate.org.uk/centre/relate-brighton-and-worthing/services/relationship-counselling-brighton
¹² British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. (2024). Ethical Framework for the Counselling Professions. Retrieved from https://www.bacp.co.uk/
¹³ New York Behavioral Health. (2024). Infidelity and Couple Therapy Outcomes. Retrieved from https://www.newyorkbehavioralhealth.com/infidelity-and-couple-therapy-outcomes/
¹⁴ Couples Therapy Inc. (2024). Stages of Affair Recovery: A Gottman Approach. Retrieved from https://couplestherapyinc.com/stages-of-affair-recovery/
¹⁵ Office for National Statistics. (2021). How Life Has Changed in Lewes: Census 2021. Retrieved from https://www.ons.gov.uk/visualisations/censusareachanges/E07000063/
¹⁶ East Sussex JSNA. (2024). Lewes District Area Profile. Retrieved from https://www.eastsussexjsna.org.uk/area-profiles/lewes-district-area-profile/
¹⁷ Varbes Demographics. (2024). Lewes Demographics: Age, Ethnicity, Religion, Wellbeing. Retrieved from https://www.varbes.com/demographics/lewes-demographics
¹⁸ South Western Railway. (2024). Lewes Train Station. Retrieved from https://www.southwesternrailway.com/travelling-with-us/at-the-station/lewes
¹⁹ Sussex Past. (2024). Lewes Castle & Museum. Retrieved from https://sussexpast.co.uk/attraction/lewes-castle/
²⁰ Visit Lewes. (2024). Lewes Town. Retrieved from https://www.visitlewes.co.uk/explore/lewes-town
²¹ Wikipedia. (2025). Lewes. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewes
²² Harvey’s Brewery. (2024). About Harvey’s Brewery. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey’s_Brewery
²³ Visit Lewes. (2024). Things to Do: Art and Culture. Retrieved from https://www.visitlewes.co.uk/things-to-do/art-and-culture
²⁴ Rome2Rio. (2024). Lewes to Hove Travel Guide. Retrieved from https://www.rome2rio.com/s/Lewes/Hove
²⁵ BACP Therapist Directory. (2024). Claire Sainsbury Profile. Retrieved from https://www.bacp.co.uk/therapists/91081/claire-sainsbury/Hove
²⁶ Endorsal. (2024). The Hove Counselling Practice Reviews & Testimonials. Retrieved from https://endorsal.io/reviews/the-hove-counselling-practice
²⁷ Endorsal. (2024). The Hove Counselling Practice Client Testimonials. Retrieved from https://endorsal.io/reviews/the-hove-counselling-practice
²⁸ The Hove Counselling Practice. (2024). Services and Appointments. Retrieved from https://thehovecounsellingpractice.co.uk
²⁹ The Hove Counselling Practice. (2024). Relationship Help and Couples Counselling. Retrieved from https://thehovecounsellingpractice.co.uk/relationship-help-and-counselling-in-brighton-and-hove/
³⁰ Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy. (2024). Affairs Counselling in Brighton, Hove and Lewes. Retrieved from https://www.brightonandhovepsychotherapy.com/types-of-issues/affairs/
³¹ Relate. (2024). Brighton, Hove, Worthing, Eastbourne & Districts. Retrieved from https://www.relate.org.uk/sussex/brighton-hove-worthing-eastbourne-districts-relate
³² Health in Mind. (2024). NHS Talking Therapies Services. Retrieved from https://www.healthinmind.org.uk/
³³ Counselling Directory. (2024). Find a Counsellor in Lewes. Retrieved from https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/
³⁴ PubMed. (2010). Outcomes of Couples with Infidelity in Community-Based Sample. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20438197/
³⁵ New York Behavioral Health. (2024). Infidelity and Couple Therapy Outcomes. Retrieved from https://www.newyorkbehavioralhealth.com/infidelity-and-couple-therapy-outcomes/
³⁶ New York Behavioral Health. (2024). Long-term Outcomes Following Infidelity Treatment. Retrieved from https://www.newyorkbehavioralhealth.com/infidelity-and-couple-therapy-outcomes/
³⁷ Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. (2024). Emotionally Focused Therapy Success Rates. Retrieved from research cited in https://www.spacebetweencounselingservices.com/therapy-insight/is-eft-better-than-gottman
³⁸ American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. (2024). Infidelity Treatment Guidelines. Retrieved from https://www.aamft.org/AAMFT/consumer_updates/infidelity.aspx