Relationship counselling is commonly thought of as a last resort, an attempt by couples to find a solution to relational challenges when all else may have failed.  However, there is evidence to suggest that the couples relationship counselling in Brighton can bring significant benefits to relationships that are healthy and fulfilling. We came across this article in the Chicago Tribune which explores how seeking counselling in the early stages of one’s relationship can lay the groundwork for a long and happy relationship with your loved one.

Most often, couples go to therapy two to five years after the start of negative feelings, such as increased conflict, lack of communication or intimacy, and discontentment in the relationship, said Amy Padron, a marriage and family therapist with the Glenview Counseling Group in Illinois. And according to relationship and marriage expert John Gottman, couples wait an average of six unhappy years before hitting the counseling couch. That’s a long time to suffer through discontentment, Padron said.

“This unresolved conflict continues to damage the relationship further,” Padron said. “I encourage couples to seek therapy sooner rather than later, as the relational work in therapy for them is so much easier when there are not years of unresolved hurts and resentments.”

Anika and Michael Byrley, of Chicago, went to marriage counseling shortly after infidelity and financial secrets were exposed. “We were trying to work through both the practical and emotional consequences of that,” Anika Byrley said.

The couple went about twice a month for just under a year, and it allowed them to understand that they both wanted the marriage to succeed — and they’d be willing to put in the effort to make it work.

“Beyond that initial, critical phase of working through specific problems, we also each learned to ask one another for the things we need emotionally, and to listen to and then try to provide what the other was asking for,” Byrley said.

While the couple, who have now been married for 15 years, aren’t going to couples counseling currently, they plan to go again, even in the absence of a particular problem or crisis.

Having a neutral listener who is supportive, helps them see each other’s perspectives and encourages them to understand each other, Anika Byrley said.

“We both know that’s something that takes practice, and I think that going back to counseling on an occasional basis will help,” she said.

The key is to start couples counseling before the problem becomes severe, said Raffi Bilek, a couples counselor and director of the Baltimore Therapy Center. That’s because if couples have been fighting for months or years, there’s much more anger and resentment to get through than if they seek advice and input when trouble is just starting.

Her advice for figuring out if you should try couples counseling: “If you think you might need couples counseling, you need couples counseling,” Bilek said. “It doesn’t have to be the last breath of the relationship; in fact, it will be much more helpful if it’s done with the early signs of trouble.”

Couples therapy for happy couples is helpful because it primes them for going deeper into their relationship, said Sara Stanizai, licensed marriage and family therapist, and owner of Prospect Therapy in Long Beach, Calif.

Regardless of when you start, couples counseling does have concrete benefits. Marriage counseling statistics appear to vary, but all show that it helps with some couples.

The most recent study of 134 chronically and seriously distressed married couples showed that nearly half had clinically improved their relationship five years after eight months of therapy; 27 percent were separated or divorced.

The effectiveness of couples counseling is directly related to the motivation level of both partners — along with the timing of the counseling, said Whitney Goodman, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Miami.

“A professional can help shine a light on the dynamics that are keeping you stuck and teach you new ways to interact and support one another,” Goodman said.

We hope you found this article helpful in perhaps providing a fresh perspective on the therapeutic benefits of counselling. If you would like to explore how relationship counselling in Brighton can help your particular situation please call or email to arrange an initial assessment.